I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
