apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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