its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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