Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
