Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need help removing her.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
