Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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