He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
