Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
