I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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