my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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