I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pooping to opera.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
