Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
