I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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