Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
