So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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