my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
