My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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