Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
