We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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