All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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