I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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