I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
