Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
