her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I need to stop coming to work sober
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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