This is not my ceiling
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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