The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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