ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
