I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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