Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
