Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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