Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
