We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
