There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
