well I can't set my house on fire every night
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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