I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
