I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just found puke in my bra..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
