Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
