To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
