Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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