Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
