I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
