My sheets look like a crime scene.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
