come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you had me at cake vodka
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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