I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
