I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The struggles of a small town man whore
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
