OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
