I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
