Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You are the jesus of drinking
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
