Tell her she can't have a vagina
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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