its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
