I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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