he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
