Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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