Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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