All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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