he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize