i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
