just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
