I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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