The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize