quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
