The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
